50 Things Demyx Is Not Allowed To Do
by Kiwi Bloodstain
Summary: Demyx went one prank too far...now he is being punished by Saix. Saix orders him to list everything he has been told he isn't allowed to do. Prepare to laugh until your sides split! Rated for sexual references. Please Review!


_A.N.: Hello again! Looks like this is my last contribution of the year of '09! Happy New Year, everyone. Well, I was sitting here, 11 pm, and I came across something along the lines of "What I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts." I'm not a Harry Potter fan, but I had a revelation; What about an Organization XIII version, Demyx Style? __Thus, this was born. Sorry if the dialogue seems rushed, but it's not the main focus of the fic. I also just came up with this off the top of my head at midnight. Keep that in mind, lol._

_Please review! If you have any you'd like to add, include it in your review!_

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"Ow, Ow, Ow, OW!" Demyx wailed as he was dragged out of the Grey Room by the ear by Saix. The Lunar Diviner was through putting up with Demyx's stupid pranks. At first, Saix never paid any mind, mostly because Demyx never preformed one on him. However, Demyx made the fatal mistake of offering Saix some trick gum.

As soon as the spring snapped on the blue haired man's finger, he saw red.

"That's it!" he snarled, grabbing the Nocturne by the ear and dragging him out of the room. Demyx was too busy compaining and whining to notice where the elder Nobody was taking him, until he found himself thrown into his seat at the kitchen table.

"W-what's going on?" Demyx stuttered as he tried to keep himself from falling out of his chair from Saix's force. Saix turned his back for a moment to grab a pencil and a small notepad from the counter, and threw them in Demyx's direction.

"Here," The elder nobody snarled. "I want you to sit there and come up with the 50 things you have been told over and over again not to do."

"What?!" Demyx protested. "I'm not good at making lists!"

"Too bad," Saix replied, making his way towards the door. "And don't even think about getting up until you have finished the list! Maybe then you will learn to behave!"

Demyx muttered under his breath as the frazzled haired superior exited out of the kitchen. After watching him leave, Demyx heaved a sigh and looked down at the notepad. As much as he hated lists, he knew now that the gum gag crossed Saix's very short line, and if he wanted to be able to live to see tomorrow, he better do what he says. After settling into his chair and spending a few moments chewing on the pink eraser of the pencil, Demyx began to write;

**50 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Organization XIII, by Demyx:**

1) I am not allowed to sing Spider Pig when I see Xigbar on the ceiling.

2) Forks are not supposed to be stuck in an electric socket. (Thanks alot, Axel.)

3) "That's what she said" is not appropriate during meetings.

4) I am not allowed to call Larxene a "Meany Head" to her face.

_i) However, this is perfectly acceptable three worlds away with my face duct-taped to a pillow, head hiding under a rock._

5) I am not allowed to drink Xigbar's rum.

6) I am not allowed to play the piano in the library, because apparently banging your hands furiously on the keys is not music.

_i) It sounded pretty to me!_

_ii) Probably because I broke rule number 5._

_iii) For the record, I saw Zexion doing this. How come he can do it and I can't?_

_iv) Probably because I know better._

_v) Especially if Axel's in the same room, suffering from a hangover._

7) I am not allowed to suggest rave parties. At all. Period.

8) Making my clones do my laundry and my chores is not the same as "pulling my weight around the Castle."

_i)This also applies to making my clones take showers for me._

9) Axel is not the Red Power Ranger.

_i) Marluxia isn't a Pink Power Ranger, either._

_ii) So that means I'm not the Blue Power Ranger. Drat..._

10) I am not allowed to complain when Xaldin prepared food that I can't even pronounce the name of.

_i) What the heck is "Koos-Koos"?_

11) I am not allowed to attempt to shave Axel's head into a mullet in his sleep.

_i) Even though having a Mullet Buddy would be fun._

12) Roxas is not a pack mule.

_i) At least when the superiors are watching._

13) I am not allowed to procrastinate on missions.

_i) Like I ever follow this rule, anyway._

14) I am not allowed to claim that I cannot carry out a mission due to the Swine Flu.

_i) Or polio._

_ii) Or malaria._

_iii) Or STDs. Everyone will know I'm lying._

15) Furbys are strictly forbidden from the Castle That Never Was.

_i) Especially ones that have been hotwired by Vexen and placed in Xemnas' office to threaten to spit acid in his eyes and castrate him._

16) Pranks are not funny if they involve any pain whatsoever.

_i) this includes hot tar and feathers on Xaldin._

17) Pranks are never funny if preformed on Xemnas, Saix, or Larxene.

_i) Except to me._

_ii) But I can't show it._

18) Whenever Xigbar asks me to "taste his rainbow," his NOT talking about Skittles.

_i) He broke rule number 5!_

_ii) I guess...he can though...since it's his rum..._

19) Lexaeus is not a nun under a vow of silence, nor is he a guard at Buckingham Palace.

_i) which means if I make faces at him to make him laugh, he won't hesitate to punch me in the face._

20) Just because Axel is called "The Flurry of Dancing Flames," doesn't mean he can actually dance.

_i) So buying him some dancing tights for Christmas is not a good idea._

_ii) Or tap shoes._

21) I am not Moses, even if I can part the Red Sea.

_i) Or the swimming pool._

_ii) Or my chicken noodle soup._

22) Roxas is not a Hobbit.

23) Vexen is not Gollum.

24) Vexen is not Dr. Zoidberg.

_i) Even if he makes weird noises like him._

24) I am not allowed to entice people to "Join the Darkside" because "we have cookies."

_i) Even though we do._

_ii) And they're very yummy!_

25) I am not allowed to ask where babies come from.

_i) Especially Xigbar._

_ii) Or Axel._

26) I am not a Waterbender, like that chick from The Last Air Bender.

_i) I'm so much cooler than her, anyway._

27) I am not allowed to go on a murderous rampage if I cannot find my sitar.

28) I am not allowed to read my orders on my cue cards aloud.

_i) Oops..._

29) Xigbar is not a pirate.

_i) Or a ninja._

_ii) Or Spongebob._

30) I am not allowed to sing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.

_i) Even if I do have a pineapple under the sea._

31) I am not allowed to sing the Sitar Song.

32) Luxord is not the Queen of England.

_i) Even if he says so._

33) I am not allowed to make sound effects when I think they are necessary. Because they aren't.

34) I am not allowed to sing, play or hum the Imperial March when Xemnas is present.

_i) Even though it seems totally appropriate_.

35) If I am in possession of helium, I am not allowed to share it with anyone else.

_i) Apparently, Xemnas doesn't want to waste anyone else's brain cells._

36) Axel is not Chuck Norris.

_i) Neither was his Somebody._

_ii) He, and his Somebody, is not God, either._

37) Flushing Marluxia's Forget-Me-Nots down the toilet is not equivalent to "watering the flowers."

_i) Even if my clone does it._

38) Making my clones "go number 1" on Marluxia's rose bushes is not the same was watering flowers, either.

_i) Even if, essentially, it is._

38) I am not allowed to replace Axel's shampoo with Nair.

36) I am not allowed to tell Marluxia to "go easy on the foundation next time."

37) I am not a rockstar. At least, according to everyone else.

38) Xaldin is not Samurai Jack.

39) I am not allowed to steal things from other member's rooms.

_i) That especially goes for Larxene's room._

40) I am not allowed to sing "Part of Your World."

_i) Even if I was a merman._

_ii) I am not allowed to sing the Dirty Little Mermaid's version, "(Wish I Could Have) A Vagina", either._

_iii) I do NOT wish I had a vagina._

_iv) The song is just funny!_

41) I am not allowed to show a 2 hour montage of Fred videos on movie nights.

_i) Even the one about Fred going swimming. That's my favorite!_

42) I am not allowed to refer to Zexion as Edward Cullen.

43) I am not allowed to bash Twilight in front of Zexion.

_i) Only thing that it has going for it is Alice Cullen. Hehehe._

44) I am not allowed to sing "I'm An Emo Kid" when refering to Zexion.

45) Girls Gone Wild is not like the Wild Thornberries or Gilmore Girls.

_i) I think I know where babies come from now...._

46) Im not allowed to....

Um....

Uh...

I forgot...?

"Oh well!" Demyx beamed, tossing the notebook over his shoulder casually. "I got 46 done, that should be enough. Hooray for underacheivement!"

With that, the Melodious Nocturne was enveloped in a pillar of darkness as he set out on another journey to prove the existence of Bigfoot on Destiny Islands.

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_Hope you enjoyed it! It's just a little something I came up with off the top of my head._

_Hopefully I'll be more motivated this upcoming year. If anyone has any prompts or ideas they'd like to share with me, I'd be glad to work with them. My only rule is that I do not write yaoi or lemons, sorry. If you twist my arm, I MIGHT be willing to do fluff..._

_Again, Happy New Year!_


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